Stars – a short story

Hi everyone! I hope you’re having a great week so far.

You may remember several weeks back when I posted a nonfiction piece that I wrote in a creative writing class in college. Well, I also wrote a few other pieces in that class, and I’d like to share another story of mine with you today.

This was my fiction short story project from that semester. So, this is an original story of mine that I’m actually quite proud of.

I do want to post a warning before we jump into it. This story does deal with some potentially sensitive topics. If you are sensitive to alcohol use, foul language, or sexual harassment, please note that these topics are discussed in this post.

And with that, let’s jump into it. I hope you enjoy!

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The stench of nail polish wafts through the air as I gently paint my final nail. I screw the cap back on, careful to not smudge any of my now flawless rosy-pink nails, and study each of them carefully. “Perfect,” I think to myself. I wave my hands around to dry them, and hear my phone buzz behind me. I turn around and lean over the screen, being careful to not smudge my nails. I notice it’s from one of the girls in the group chat I have with my friends, saying they’re waiting for me down in the lobby. I let out a sigh. They all wanted to go to a party tonight, which means that, by default, I’m going too. 

I give my nails one last wave, then stand up to check in the mirror. I study my reflection, for once feeling confident about my appearance. I decided to wear my waist-long chocolatey brown hair in loose curls, my personal favorite way to style it. My pink nails match my soft loose shirt perfectly, which is lightly tucked into a pair of high waist denim shorts. I slip in a pair of gold hoop earrings and put on my light brown sandals, the ones with just a little bit of a heal to hide that fact that I’m only 5’4”. I look in the mirror and decide my pink lipstick is too bold, so I change it to a glossy nude. I touch up my winged-eyeliner and mascara, then step back one last time to make sure everything looks in place.

I make eye-contact with my reflection, and pause as I stare into her bright green eyes. On the outside, everything seems perfect, like nothing could get in her way. But her eyes—they tell the real story.

I shut my eyes, not wanting to look at that broken piece of myself anymore. But it’s too late, I realize, as the memories start flooding back to me.

 …

I’m in my senior again. The pain of the loss of my dad is fresh, clawing at my chest and not letting me go. 

My dad. The one person in my life that no one could ever replace. The one I knew I could look up to. He brought me so much joy, so much laughter. He was the one I went to when I needed comfort, the one I went to when I needed to talk. He was always there for me. Then he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, and died a month and a half later.

It was like the flame inside of me was smothered, leaving nothing but a dark and cold husk of what I once was. 

I can’t even remember a day where I didn’t think of my dad since he died. We had such a great relationship, the type that other people would envy if they saw us together. We would laugh at each other’s jokes and tease each other all the time. And then, he was gone. Just like that. I never had time to process what was happening—the last few weeks went by so fast. 

My mom never really recovered either. She took to solitude after he died, which meant I had no one to comfort me when I needed someone most. I was alone—I had no one who cared.

…

A knock on the door to my dorm room snaps me to reality, making me jump. I look back into the mirror and realize a few tears have slipped onto my cheeks.

“Hey Amy! You ready baby girl?” a muffled voice says from the other side of the door.

I brush away the tears and quickly pull myself together best I can so Bryan doesn’t notice anything’s wrong. 

“Coming!” I grab my purse and rush over to the door. I open it and see Bryan standing in the hallway, leaning up against the doorframe.

“What took you so long Amy baby?”

I wish he didn’t use such derogative terms when talking to me. I know it’s his way of flirting, but secretly I hate it. But how could I tell him? He’s just trying to show affection, I think.

I try to sound nonchalant in my response.

“Let’s go. We’re gonna be late!”

By the time we get down the three flights of stairs and to the lobby, I’m feeling a little better, the rush of emotions having passed. I see the rest of our friends, Manda, Kris and Sam, who are all talking and laughing as we arrive. 

Sam. My absolute best friend in the entire world. Sam is the reason I’m still alive, to be honest. About a month after my dad passed away, I found Sam. They didn’t care that I was broken. Instead, they comforted me in my time of need. 

Yes, they. I learned that, at the same time I was struggling with the loss of my dad, Sam was going through their own struggles as well. At the time I met Sam, they had just adopted the term nonbinary to define themselves, deciding that they didn’t want to identify as either a boy or girl. But Sam felt that those around them wouldn’t accept that, so they felt trapped, unable to be the person they wanted to be. To this day, a year later, I’m still the only one that knows this.

We found each other at our lowest point, the weight of depression having taken over long ago. We both felt like we could trust the other, the feeling of loneliness fading just a bit knowing that the other was struggling as well. We feel safe around each other—nothing has to be an act when it’s just the two of us, unlike with the rest of the world.

As soon as Sam sees me, they tear away from the group and tackle me in a hug. I let out a yelp and can’t help but laugh a little, hugging them back. Manda walks over to us shaking her head and laughing. 

“Okay you two. Let’s head out.” 

Everyone except Sam and me hustles towards the door, leaving the two of us to talk privately. We tread behind the rest of the group, and Sam glances over at me.

“You doing okay?” they ask.

I smile up at them. “I’m okay.”

They shake their head in response, and I let out a sigh. They know me too well.

I sigh. “Okay fine. Honestly, I wish we weren’t going. I…I don’t know.” 

Sam looks down at me and pats my back reassuringly.

“I don’t wanna go either if we’re both being honest. But maybe it won’t be so bad?”

I look up at them and shrug. “I doubt it, but okay.”

They chuckle, but I can tell that their heart isn’t really in it. It’s true—neither of us want to go. But this the first time in years that Sam and I have been even somewhat accepted into any sort of friend group. We’d hate to ruin it over something as small as a college party.

We get to the car and I hop in the backseat. Kris is driving, with Bryan sitting next to him. Manda is squished in between Sam and me, since she’s the smallest out of all of us. The two guys up front start up a conversation, along with Sam and Manda, so I look out the window and watch all the trees and buildings whiz past us as we drive away. 

I glance up at the stars, wishing the city lights would fade so I could actually see them all. The stars have always been mesmerizing to me, ever since my dad started teaching me all about them when I was little. I always feel safer when I look up at them, in a way. No matter what’s going on around me, I know that at night the stars are always there, never changing. I can’t help but smile when I see them. The stars are so beautiful, and always hold some of the best memories with my dad.

I remember him taking me out into the backyard at night, right before bedtime. He’d shut off the porch lights and any other lights thing through the windows to make sure it was completely dark. When it was chilly outside, he sometimes even brought hot chocolate to keep up warm. We’d sit together, the grass brushing up against our legs, our book of constellations across our laps, and we’d just look at the stars together.

We pull up to the party and I see it is already in full swing. My smile fades, remembering why I’m out tonight. I take a deep breath and open the car door. I immediately feel the music pumping through my chest even though we’re not even inside yet. Bryan lets out a yell and jogs up to the house. The rest of us head up as well, even though every one of my muscles is telling me not to. I feel a tightness rise up in my chest, and my eyes start stinging. I feel my chest rise and fall, faster and faster and faster. I glance over at Sam. They see me panicking and demonstrate taking a big breath in and out. I gently nod and focus on my breathing. Deep breath in…and out…in…and out. 

I feel a little bit calmer by the time we reach the door, which is wide open. The music is now even louder, making my head pound. The lights are dim and someone set up colorful lights throughout the room. I see about fifty college-aged kids just in this one room, blue solo cups in hand filled with their intoxicating substances. A group of girls is sitting in one corner vaping. I make a mental note to avoid that section of the room.

Someone offers me a cup of mysterious brown liquid, but I shake my head and pull a bottle of water out of my purse. Honestly, it’s best if you bring your own drinks to these types of events. 

I look around and notice that all my friends except for Bryan have disappeared into the crowd, including Sam. I sigh and walk up to where Bryan has already joined a game of beer pong. I stand beside the table and watch. His opponent is clearly winning, though Bryan doesn’t seem to mind one bit. Every time one of them makes the little ball in a cup, the crowd around them cheers and starts yelling. Bryan chugs a cup of watery beer and yells with them, while I try to make myself smaller and stay out of the way. 

Bryan holds the ball, taking aim. He makes eye-contact with me and winks.

“This one’s for you baby girl!”

I cross my arms and give him a playful smirk, even though my heart isn’t fully in it.

He tosses the ball, and it sails right into the cup, causing an eruption of yelps around me. I slink back and try to stay out of the way, when I feel a hand touch the small of my back. I glance back and notice a tall, blond headed guy smiling down at me. 

“Hey, might wanna watch out there. You could get hurt.”

He winks at me and slowly slides his hand downward, but I swat it away and quickly rush over to Bryan. I wrap my arms around him, and he puts one arm over my shoulder. 

“This guy is going down, Amy. Just you wait!”

I quickly glance over at the blond-headed kid, who’s smiling at me. It’s not uncommon for guys to hit on me at these types of events, but this guy gives me chills.

As the night goes on, I try my hardest to stay as close to Bryan as I can. But as time passes, he becomes more and more drunk, and less and less aware of me. After being there for God knows how long, I decide to step outside for a bit. There’s too many people in here, a large majority of them drunk. I walk out of the kitchen, where Bryan is fixing himself yet another drink, and find myself in an empty hallway. The lights are dim, and the music is just a little bit quieter. I find it a little strange that no one is here, but I keep walking, determined to escape the suffocating house. I turn the corner and bump into someone, spilling my second water bottle of the night all over the two of us.

“Sorry,” I mutter and try to step out of the way. But the guy in front of me blocks my path. He grins down at me.

“Oh, my bad,” he sneers. My eyes grow wide, realizing that this is the creep from earlier. Except now, he’s almost as drunk as Bryan. I quickly try to duck around him, not wanting to start any trouble. He grabs my arm, holding me back.

“Let go of me!” I yell. But instead, I feel myself being dragged into a small, dark room and shoved against a wall. The guy grabs both of my tiny wrists with one of his sweaty, meaty hands and pins them above my head. His face grows closer to mine, and I can smell the sickly scent of cheap beer on his breath. I feel him grab my breast, and feel adrenaline pumping through me. I scream and kick him in the shin, sending his drunk self off balance and giving me an opportunity to run. I dash out of the room and slam the door behind me, sprinting back to the kitchen to find Bryan.

“Bryan. I need to leave. Now.”

He snickers. “C’mon baby girl, this party is f***ing lit. Don’t ruin the fun.” 

I feel a tear slip down my cheek.

“Bryan, please. You don’t understand. I need to go back now!”

He laughs at something his friend says and half-heartedly shoves me away.

“Go find Kris or something.”

Frustrated and hurt, I bolt outside. I see Manda and Kris laughing with a bunch of other people and run over to them.

“Guys, I need to go. Please.”

Manda turns around and looks me up and down.

“What’s wrong?”

Another tear falls down my face. Then another.

“S-some guy g-grabbed me and…and put me against a wall a-and touched me an-”

Manda cuts me off. “Amy c’mon. He was probably just hitting on you, stop overreacting! It’s a party! Live a little, girl!”

Kris, who must’ve overheard me yelling, joins the conversation. “I mean, dressed like that, what did you expect? That is a pretty low-cut shirt you’re wearing! Like d***!” Kris starts laughing and Manda joins him, turning their attention away from me. 

I start crying even harder, and quickly shield my face and walk towards the car. I didn’t even want to come to this stupid party, and now my friends are acting like complete jerks. 

I glance up to the sky in desperation, but all I see are clouds. Not even the stars are there for me this time.

I slump against the car with my knees up to my chest, and sit in silence, watching the chaos of the party from the safety of the car.

How could I let that guy harass me like that? I should’ve said something the first time, should’ve told someone or something! But I was a coward, running to my f***ing drunk boyfriend to protect me. 

Was Kris right? Was it because of my shirt? I shake my head in an attempt to rid myself of my thoughts and put my head in my heads.

Why do I even hang out with those guys anyway? Manda, Kris, even Bryan. I can’t be myself around them, can’t go to them when I’m hurting. I just wanted to fit in somewhere. I’ve gone so long having to deal with being the outcast, with being the one that no one wants to hang around, except for Sam. Manda, Bryan, Kris…they’ll never truly accept us, not for who we really are. They just seem like they have everything all together, unlike Sam and me. We’re broken, they’re not. 

But I don’t know what else to do. 

I feel the tears start to flow again. Why is my life such a mess? What did I do to deserve this? I want nothing more in life for this… this pain to go away. But for the past year, it’s managed to find me again and again. I can’t escape.

I feel my fingernails dig into my calves. It hurts, but I can’t stop. The tears flow harder and harder. I can’t stop them. My chest is rising and falling quickly, and I can’t catch my breath. My hands slip off my legs, and I wrap my arms around myself. I cry out in a whisper the only person I can think of who could help me.

Dad.

Why did he have to leave? Why did he have to die? He was my lifeline, the only one who could ground me in times like this. I have Sam now, but Sam will never replace Dad. 

I miss him. I miss him so much. I feel the sobs continue to wrack my body, painful sobs. I want nothing more than the pain in my life to stop.

I don’t know how long I sit there crying. But I finally manage to calm down enough to breathe. I close my eyes and focus on calming down.

Breathe in.

And.

Out…

I open my eyes and stand up. It’s like I’m on autopilot—unsure of where I’m going. I start walking back towards the house, not sure of what I’m doing.

I notice Sam standing at the foot of the driveway, and I immediately turn and start walking towards them.

“Amy?”

“Hey Sam.”

I walk up next to them and plaster a fake smile on my face, just wanting to forget everything happened.

“What’s up? Why aren’t you inside?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation casual.

“I just needed some air, plus I just wasn’t having a great time,” they say.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The guys in there kept calling me ‘man’ and ‘dude’. Which like, I get it. They don’t know about, well my identity I guess. I can’t expect them to know better. But it still makes me uncomfortable every time. Brings me down, you know?”

I nod, trying my best to hide my true feelings. But Sam knows me better.

“Amy, what’s wrong?”

Immediately I break down in tears, unable to hold them back any longer. The words flow out of me, almost without permission, as I begin to tell Sam everything that went down tonight. They reach over and embrace me, and I sob into their shoulder, grateful for the comfort. I let go after several minutes and wipe my nose with the collar of my shirt. 

Sam looks at me with a worried and caring expression.

“Amy, do you want me to call someone? The cops, your mom, anyone?”

My eyes widen.

“Please, Sam. Don’t call anyone. I-I don’t know if I could handle it. It’s my fault anyway. I should’ve said something when it happened. I-”

Sam grabs my shoulders.

“Amy. You are not allowed to blame yourself for this, okay? That guy is an a** who should not have done that. I think we should tell someone.”

I shake my head.

“No…please, Sam. I can’t. I can’t deal with that. No one will believe me.”

Sam looks at me, still holding on to my shoulders.

“I believe you.”

I glance up at them.

“Of course, but-“

“And I’m gonna do everything I can to help you. We will find someone who can help.”

I’m too shocked to say anything. I feel another tear slip down my cheek.

“Amy, this is not your fault. You are not to blame for this.”

Sam lets go of my shoulders, and we sit in silence for a moment. Sam reaches over and gives me another hug, and I hug them back. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, feeling the warmth of my best friend embrace me.

After several minutes, Sam pulls away and looks at me.

They break the silence. “People are cruel.”

I nod. “People are cruel.”

I let a small smile escape my lips.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being you. And being there for me.”

…

We get into our Uber and leave early, even though the party is still in full swing. I’m glad Sam suggested that we go ahead and call one, since neither of us wanted to be there anyway.

While we were waiting, Sam called their parents and told them what happened. They graciously offered for the two of us to stay at their place tonight. Sam offered to call my mom at first but, well, she wasn’t exactly there for me the last time I needed her.

I speak up. “Remind me why we both went to that party again?”

“Cause we’re stupid.”

“True. But really. Why do we do these things that we don’t want to?”

They think for a second. “To impress the others? To show them that we’re just like them? I dunno.”

I lean back against the seat. They’re not far off actually, now that I really think about it. We want to be like them, like the unbroken. 

But in reality, they’re broken too, in their own way. We all are. Everyone is broken; everyone has a story that has made them into who they are, and not all of it has been easy. Some just seem to hide their broken parts better than others.

“Hey Sam?” I say, glancing over at them.

“Yeah?”

I pause, my eyes drifting to my hands fidgeting in my lap. “Do you think your parents will be able to…help? Like, can they do anything?”

Sam turns towards me. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know. But I’ll be there for you in any way you need me to be.”

I smile a bit and turn to look out the window of the car, and see the trees and buildings flying past us once again. I glance up at the sky and feel a smile creep across my face. The clouds are gone, and the stars are out once again.

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Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed it!

Also, do you like reading things like this? I know it’s a bit different than my regular content, but I’d love to hear if you enjoy reading these types of pieces as well!